Unfulfilling eats, insubstantial snacks … hear you me: no diet regimen is worth a sad, boring lunch. And get this: that ‘healthy’ meal you’re munching might actually be sabotaging your beach bod success. Check out these seven sad lunches that don’t just suck, but actually suck the life out of your diet.

Greek Yogurt With Granola

Yogurt

Why are we making excuses for this sad, dissatisfying lunch? Who the eff really likes plain greek yogurt anyway? It tastes like sour socks and funk. That granola’s not doing you any good, either. It’s probably loaded with sugar and weird, wrinkly fruits that look like the soft part of an elbow. How ’bout a peach instead? … Plus the rest of an actual meal.

Cabbage Soup.

What. Is. This. Crap? Cabbage water. Literally cabbage in water. Why are you eating this!? Or drinking this?! Or doing whatever you’re doing with this?! If you’re reading this, I’m guessing you’ve got some time on your hands, and that you have at least some agency about the lunches you eat. Listen, I’ve tasted this. I gave it the benefit of the doubt. I had a whole bowl! And then I searched my kitchen top to bottom in desperation, looking for some salt and bread to liven it up as I simultaneously seasoned the soup with my own falling tears. Welcome to Sad Lunch Town. Population: you.

Celery With Peanut Butter

Celery filled with peanut butter

Come on. Admit it. You’re starving. Those ridiculous slivers of grass aren’t going to fill you up. Not even if you slather them with crunchy JIF. Mark my words: you’ll be eating again in 30 minutes.

Salad.

Let me guess: you built a salad out of iceberg, cheddar, bacon, croutons, cucumber “for greenery,” and about half an inch of Ranch dressing. SoOOoOoo healthy. Listen lady: better grab the tissues, ’cause that pile of salad bar rejection has all the makings of a sad lunch.

Rice Cakes.

rice cakes

Ew. Ew ew ew. No. Why? Do you love styrofoam? Did you spend a lot of time making cardboard box forts as a kid and accidentally take a big bite out of the insulation one afternoon? You, my friend, are an adult woman/man/your choice and you get to eat whatever weightloss-y lunch you like at your desk! Please, I beg of you, don’t let it be this one. A cauli rice bowl will do just fine, too.

Wraps.

McDonald's Veggie Wrap

Unless it’s this wrap, which is a piece of cute, low-carb mastery. Factor in that most wraps are easily the size of two people’s faces, contain about twice the amount of ham or turkey or whatever any wrap needs, and usually come slathered in some weird mixture of herby cream cheese and sprouts, there’s nothing ‘healthy’ about this otherwise boring, bologna lunch. I say scrap the whole thing and eat some buffalo chicken bitesinstead.

SkinnyPop.

More like Skinnypo … never mind, I don’t even have to go there. Because if you’ve ever had SkinnyPop, you know you’re only eating it because the name is cute and it’s basically nothing and because that Target swimsuit would feel a heckuva lot better if you weighed maybe 4 to 7 pounds less. Here’s the thing: SkinnyPop isn’t doing you any favors. Like its distant, dreaded cousin, The Rice Cake, SkinnyPop is sad food in sheep’s clothing. It’s air and sodium and dried corn and boringness masquerading as health food. You’re better off eating a cupcake and buying a one piece. DIET BYE!

 

 
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